My first album. I was just messing around mostly, figuring out what did and did not sound good. I feel like it's not a completely awful first try, but definitely not as good as other artists' debut albums. You can tell I have no musical training or expertise, hah!
The title of this album comes from the name that I tend to publish music and art under- deity of chaos. I picked this name in high school after a trip to the art museum where I was photographed in front of a piece that was simply a flourescent blacklight. My friends said I loooked like some sort of god, ominously standing there, so I brainstormed a new online handle on the bus ride home. While I don't use it as much anymore, I do occasionally use when I feel it fits.
I tend to use the dies irae in a lot of my music, right from the beginning. If you don't know what it is, the dies irae is a simple note pattern that has persisted in music for, as my understanding goes, hundreds of years. The most notable time it was used that I can think of was in the theme of The Shining. The first track, 'prophet, evil and divine (Prophetia in F Minor)', actually features it quite extensively. I also tend to use a lot of samples, especially in the more atmospheric songs such as the title track and 'the most fun i've ever had :3'. Though, the latter track actually samples clips from YouTube videos posted by Daniel Howell and AmazingPhil instead of atmospheric sounds from a database.
There was actually another two tracks that I had intended to put on this album- one sampling clips of screams from various Five Nights At Freddy's games and the other using a robotic voice from a TTS website to speak lyrics heavily based on 'I Would Do Anything For Love' by Meatloaf. The second song was actually published on the album on its initial release, but was removed from the list later on. Both songs were removed from the final album tracklist because I was afraid that I wasn't properly following copyright laws.
I believe I had a song or two that I had begun but not finished before I had BOAG done, both of which being these awfully melancholic tunes. I took a lot of inspiration from the Minecraft OST, specifically the older tracks done by C418. It's a bit of a drag to listen through, but I think it's a definite technical improvement from the first.
Once more, I use a lot of samples in these tracks. I specifically recall using VCR clicks and the hum of a thunderstorm to simulate a dreary day in in the track 'you can't go home, home doesn't exist anymore.' This track specifically reminds me of a Winnie the Pooh special that I remember watching as a child where rain forces everyone to play in a creepy, dreary old attic. The special gives me an aching sense of nostalgia, the melancholic cousin to wishing you were five again.
This track was one of the first that I made and, despite cerulean velvet curtains- the closing track- being used for the title of the album, it was you can't go home... that really set the precedent for the rest of the album. I fear that this situation happens often, where I make one decent song and decide to attempt to replicate it multiple times over to create a full album.
Once again, I am seen here using the dies irae, specifically in the tracks 'sparkling marble chambers and an orchestra of the gods' and 'over and over and over and over again'. I was actually listening back through the album to refresh my memory and was absolutely dumbfounded by my past self's oversight of putting two dies irae songs back to back. Just goes to show that Ireally need to put more thought into the order of the tracks on each album!
I do know for a fact that I had a couple tracks for this album made before I had even released CVC, namely 'i took too much [REDACTED] and now the hat man is chasing me' and 'taking hallucinogens and quoting the bible'. (I would also like it to be known that the title of the latter track DID NOT come from the fact that I myself have ever done hallucinogens, but from a quote in my Quote Note on my phone referencing the act. I keep a list of funny quotes said by people around me and pull song titles from there when I need to.)
This album features my first venture into breakcore, music which is built upon sampled drum breaks such as the Amen break. In hindsight, I don't think I was particularly successful in this venture, as I think the more atmospheric tracks on this album sound much better than the breakcore tracks. It also features the first real spoken word- of course, I've used my voice for things like random screams or whispers, but one track on this list, 'apathy is the enemy', has a full list of lyrics. I don't sing in the song, but rather use a sort of growling scream. I added a lot of filters to distort it even more and, in the end, I fear it may still be lumped in with the other breakcore tracks as 'mediocre at best'.
That being said, the atmospheric tracks are some of my best here, all of them feeling unique and otherworldly in a way that really stands out. The first two tracks are actually continuations from a song on my first album. It's just a sappy love story between a human and an alien where they meet at a ball them get married. Simple and self-indulgent If I say so myself.
As of writing this in late November of 2025, this is currently my favorite album. Like with CVC, I made one decent retrofuturistic synth song and decided to run with it to create a full concept album. My wife- who is both a huge 80s film buff and ex-music major- helped me a lot when crafting these songs. I think my two favorite tracks are the title track and you've defeated mecha ronald reagan', the latter actually being my longest song to date. It was originally longer- almost five whole minutes- but I decided at the last minute to up the tempo a little, cutting it down to 4:18.
My main complaint about this album is the sameness of all the songs. Sure, they're all good songs, all fully realized and atmospheric with clear talent having been developed over the last couple years of making music, but they all sound very similar. I use and reuse a lot of the same synths and effects as the program I use isn't really made for importing other pads and synths into it. (I use Soundtrap if you're wondering.)
If you'll notice, a lot of the titles of my songs tend to have vivid descriptions of colors, places, events, and feelings; this is due to a few things about me. Firstly, I have synesthesia, a condition where certain senses being triggered may inadvertently trigger other senses at the same time. For example, I have sound-vision synesthesia, where I have vivid visions when I listen to music. Usually, it's abstract splotches and lines of different colors, hence cerain titles like 'purple-magenta-fuschia' on CVC and 'the blue one' on this album. Aside from that, I am also autistic. Autism affects sensory input, processing, and memory. In short, sounds and memories tend to link together with one another, pieces of my life being cobbled together to create visions in my head when I listen to music. This resulted in titles such as 'you can't go home, home doesn't exist anymore', 'you're alone in this world, the rest are just NPCs', and 'dancing alone in the garden, the flowers examine your sorrow' from CVC as well as 'repairing your robotic arm', 'the killer travels on foot', and 'taking my hoverboard to school' from 'the future we were promised'.